I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
