just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize