You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
