I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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