It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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