We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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