I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
