I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
