i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
