do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
