I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
