Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
