so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
