I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
