I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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