Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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