Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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