I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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