I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
