got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
