i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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