She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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