omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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