through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
