Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
