I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How does it feel to date your dad?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
