is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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