i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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