We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
