I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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