I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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