so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
