I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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