You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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