No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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