She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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