I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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