I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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