I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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