If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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