It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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