look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
