She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
