Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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