Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
