During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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