She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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