im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my poor anus
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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