It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My ass is underappreciated
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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