its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
