Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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