So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
