and you said cock pushups were impossible
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
