My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
