i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
