we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
