i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
