i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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