i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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