You're completely useless in the revolution.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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