i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
