Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My balls are so social today.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this hospital has no fireball
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
