I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
