dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
