Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
