There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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