I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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