some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
