my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
not ubering you a puppy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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